i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
