It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
