ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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