I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
