they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Still dying that you shit outside
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
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