I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
