If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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