so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Randomize
