just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
