I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
