discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
