I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
