dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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