i was born a porn star she said
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
