You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
