we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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