I wanna passion pit in your ass
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
