my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
