i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
