im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
