its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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