Whod you bang
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
