When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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