So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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