I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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