Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
