I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
