you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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