I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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