She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize