they said they heard you say put it in my butt
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
