shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Rumble strips road head = magical
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
