Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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