sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
