Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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