fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize