I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
