Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
