Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
