How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
