Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
