dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
