So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
