I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize