Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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