She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
