bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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