only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
