me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
