I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
