somebody snuck up and got me drunk
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize