What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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