So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
