We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
