I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
