We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Come see our sink grown plant.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
