just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
