spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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