If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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