I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Randomize
