I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
