Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
