We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
