I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
