Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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